Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do. Gosh!
Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and it's local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
Napoleon: I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines.
Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of 'em. They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Napoleon: A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think?
Napoleon: But I didn't. Hey, could I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Napoleon: I don't feel very good.
Napoleon: Is Grandma There?
Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me?
Napoleon: Well, just tell her to come get me.
Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good.
Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?
Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then?
Napoleon: Can you bring me my ChapStick?
Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad.
Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko.
Napoleon: Idiot!
Napoleon: Hey, is that a new kid or something?
Napoleon: Sure. Come on. You know, there's, like, a buttload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff. Do you ride the bus to school?
Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have?
Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs. Lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps? You got, like, three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick? Dang it!
Napoleon: The worst day of my life. What do you think?
Napoleon: Kip hasn't done flipping anything today.
Napoleon: Well, what's there to eat?
Napoleon: Fine!
Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip!
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Napoleon: What?
Napoleon: Such an idiot!
Napoleon: I'll go get it.
Napoleon: This is a girl.
Napoleon: I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral.
Napoleon: I already make, like, infinity of those at Scout camp.
Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard. Come get some dinner. Tina, eat. Eat the food. Eat the food!
Napoleon: Hey, Lyle.
Napoleon: So me and you are pretty much friends by now, right?
Napoleon: So, you got my back and everything?
Napoleon: Never mind. Have you heard about the dance?
Napoleon: Have you met anyone to ask yet?
Napoleon: Who you gonna ask?
Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
Napoleon: Yeah, my old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out here for the dance but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now.
Napoleon: See for yourself.
Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year.
Napoleon: Me too. How long did it take you to grow that mustache?
Napoleon: I wish I could grow one. Are you gonna eat your Tots?
Napoleon: Can I have 'em? You see that girl over there? She came over to my house the other day.
Napoleon: I don't know, but she left all this crap on my porch.
Napoleon: Do you dare me to go talk to her?
Napoleon: I see you're drinking one-percent. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it 'cause I can't fit my nunchakus in there anymore.
Napoleon: Hey, can I have one of your key chains?
Napoleon: No, go find your own.
Napoleon: No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today. G-- Gross. Freakin' idiot! Tina, come get some ham. What are you doing here, Uncle Rico?
Napoleon: You don't have to stay here with us. We're not babies.
Napoleon: Well, Kip is, like, 32 years old.
Napoleon: What the flip was Grandma doin' at the sand dunes?
Napoleon: Boyfriend?
Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Napoleon: You guys are retarded.
Napoleon: Go for it.
Napoleon: What the heck are you doing?
Napoleon: I don't think so. Why?
Napoleon: Okay. Hey, Summer, you want to play me?
Napoleon: Ow. God.
Napoleon: A liger.
Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed. Bred for its skills in magic.
Napoleon: I don't know. Did you see him today?
Napoleon: Neither did I.
Napoleon: No. I missed the bus today, but my uncle's coming to get me.
Napoleon: See ya.
Napoleon: Hello?
Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite.
Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends.
Napoleon: Yes. Is Pedro there?
Napoleon: Okay, bye.
Napoleon: What?
Napoleon: Where have you been?
Napoleon: Has Summer said anything to you yet?
Napoleon: Well, she said no.
Napoleon: What other girl?
Napoleon: You mean Deb?
Napoleon: What about her?
Napoleon: What? Well, nobody's gonna go out with me.
Napoleon: No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills.
Napoleon: You know, like nunchaku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
Napoleon: Yes. Probably the best that I know of.
Napoleon: That's a pretty good idea.
Napoleon: Is Trisha here?
Napoleon: Could you just give this to her for me?
Napoleon: Thanks.
Napoleon: What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' over at my girlfriend's house?
Napoleon: Fine. What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a friggin' idiot?
Napoleon: I did?
Napoleon: A little bit.
Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up.
Napoleon: I could make that much money in five seconds.
Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a "decroded" piece of crap. There's a lot more where this came from if you go to the dance with me. Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite.
Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons?
Napoleon: Large talons.
Napoleon: Ew!
Napoleon: Six dollars. That's, like, a dollar an hour. Napoleon: Hello?
Napoleon: Yes.
Napoleon: You already are.
Napoleon: Really? Took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.
Napoleon: Yeah, well, I'll probably pick you up at 6:00 for the dance. Is that okay?
Napoleon: K, bye.
Napoleon: Trisha.
Napoleon: My woman I'm takin' to the dance.
Napoleon: Heck, yes, I did!
Napoleon: Just, like, a silk shirt or something. What are you gonna wear?
Napoleon: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Napoleon: Yeah. It looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's--it's incredible. I need you to give me a ride in an hour.
Napoleon: The dance.
Napoleon: Yes. We need to pick her up too.
Napoleon: Well, can you just take me and then drop me off when you're done or whatever?
Napoleon: Well, hurry up, 'cause I gotta get Trisha.
Napoleon: So you guys are, like, Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups?
Napoleon: Is Trisha here?
Napoleon: That's my ride. Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro and dance really quick?
Napoleon: Just a couple minutres ago. Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere?
Napoleon: Oh. She probably just went to the bathroom. Are you guys having a killer time?
Napoleon: I like your sleeves. They're real big.
Napoleon: So you and Pedro are getting really serious now?
Napoleon: Huh. How are your glamour shots been going lately?
Napoleon: Okay.
Napoleon: Heck, yes. I'd vote for you.
Napoleon: Well, you have a sweet bike... and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks. Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache.
Napoleon: If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want.
Napoleon: Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too. Or, like, Secret Service captain or...whatever.
Napoleon: Is that yours?
Napoleon: What's it for?
Napoleon: Yeah, right.
Napoleon: Have you guys tried it yet?
Napoleon: Yeah. Hold on. I forgot to put in the crystals. Kay, turn it on. Kill-- the pow-- Kill-- Turn it off! Turn it off, Kip! It's a piece of crap. It doesn't work.
Napoleon: Shut up. Say it so the whole world can hear.
Napoleon: The defect in that one is bleach.
Napoleon: Yes!
This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
Napoleon: Yes!
Napoleon: No.
Napoleon: It seems pretty good to me.
Napoleon: No.
Napoleon: Kay, See ya.
Napoleon: Yeah, right. I'm not votin' for her.
Napoleon: I'm votin' for Pedro Sanchez. Who do you think? Hey, Don, can I have one of those buttons?
Napoleon: Hey. I did some drawings for the flyers.
Napoleon: Why do you got your hood up like that?
Napoleon: I know what you mean.
Napoleon: That one's good. Looks like a medieval warrior.
Napoleon: Sorry.
Napoleon: Vote for Pedro.
Napoleon: Vote for Pedro.
Napoleon: Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro.
Napoleon: Vote for Pedro.
Napoleon: How's your neck?
Napoleon: That's too bad. Pedro offers you his protection.
Napoleon: Everybody at school things I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you.
Napoleon: Get off of me, you bodaggit.
Napoleon: Dang.
Napoleon: Yes.
Napoleon: Who are you?
Napoleon: What are you doing here?
Napoleon: Kip?
Napoleon: I been practicing.
Napoleon: Some dance moves.
Napoleon: See ya.
Napoleon: See ya.
Napoleon: Hello?
Napoleon: Yeah. Who's this?
Napoleon: What the heck are you even talkin' about?
Napoleon: What?
Napoleon: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Napoleon: Too bad. She says she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eatin' all our steak.
Napoleon: Get off my property!
Napoleon: Get off my property, or I'll call the cops on you.
Napoleon: Maybe I will. Gosh!
Napoleon: Pedro? How's it goin'?
Napoleon: Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
Napoleon: 'Cause my Uncle Rico's an idiot!
Napoleon: No, not unless she likes fish. Are you still gonna give your speech tomorrow?
Napoleon: Do you already know what you're gonna say?
Napoleon: Just tell 'em that...their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you. I'll see you tomorrow, Pedro.
Napoleon: What? A flippin' skit? Why didn't anybody tell us about this?
Napoleon: Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do.
Napoleon: I caught you a delicious bass. You wanna play me?
Napoleon: Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Napoleon: Hey, Deb, can you take a photo of me on the horse real quick? Thanks. I hope your guys's experiences are unforgettable.
Napoleon: Lucky.
Napoleon: Shut up, I am not.
Napoleon: 'Cause I didn't have a freakin' choice all the other sweet clubs were filled up. Gosh! Where have you been?
Napoleon: How come?
Napoleon: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Napoleon: Yeah. It looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's--it's incredible.
Napoleon: What?! Twelve dollars for that? Uggghhh.
Napoleon: Do you dare me to just, hide it, and then I'll come back and buy it later? Napoleon: Hey, how's it goin'. Those eggrolls are looking pretty good. I might get me some later, I don't have any money right n... You know, I think I'm just gonna get me one of them lotto tickets. My wife says I gotta stop, but, I'm just feeling real positive today and wanted to try out my luck and...
Napoleon: I'm just gonna go get my I.D. Gosh! They wouldn't sell me one. I don't look old enough. Dang it!
Napoleon: Did you get one? Yes! Three spuds, you picked a good one! It's ten dollars, yes!
Napoleon: Hey Don, did you take a dump in your bed last night?
Napoleon: Why don't you go tell your Mom to shut up!
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna say!
Napoleon: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't!
Napoleon: Yeah right, who's the only one here that knows illegal ninja moves from the Government?
